Since my last retreat on Naitauba, I had been preparing to go back for a longer stay. My heart had been yearning to be on this island again and to be of service to one of the most beautiful and powerful spots on earth.

 

My partner, Bruce, who also went on a meditation retreat last November shares the feeling - it has been a dream of him to be able to go on a long term retreat on Naitauba since he lived here many years ago.

 

Prior to departing to Fiji, I had to say goodbye to my dad which was one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life. He had been suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis for a year and his health was declining rapidly. The last evening I visited my family home, I remember sitting on the floor next to my dad talking to him and Bruce, who was sitting next to me. My dad was engaging in the conversation we were having, and he said something that has stayed with me since then. Even in the midst of his serious illness, he said I should leave for Naitauba as planned - which was within the next few days. His words were simple but direct and loving. Knowing that he understood my need to go to where my heart is the happiest, meant the world to me and I will always thank him for his genuine understanding and love for me.

 

We arrived to Fiji at the end of June, 2013 and had planned to stay in Taveuni for a couple of days before making the pilgrimage to Naitauba. However, due to rough weather the boat was not able to take off for three days. During our stay on Taveuni Island, I found out my dad had been taken to the hospital again and it didn't look good for him. I was only able to receive messages and briefly speak with my family, but he was definitely transitioning soon.

 

The boat ride was intense, but I stayed very calm and happy. I listened to Adi Da’s wisdom teaching throughout the trip as well as some devotional music. The very next day after arriving on Naitauba I received the news of my father's passing. I was deeply saddened by this though my heart still stayed in communion with my beloved Master throughout these difficult days of mourning - all the while praying for a graceful and easy transition.

 

I really felt connected with my dad during this period and how important it was for me to be on Naitauba while he was transitioning - as I was able to immediately participate in his transition vigil in one of the Temples on Naitauba for several days. I couldn't help but think that perhaps my father's understanding and acceptance of my departure for Naitauba was for this opportunity to pray very one-pointedly for Adi Da's Blessing of his transition.
 

On the full moon of July we celebrated what is called Guru Purnima ("Purnima" means "full moon" in Sanskrit). For Adi Da's devotees, it is always a time of extraordinary fullness and joy, which we refer to as Da Purnima or Adi-Guru Purnima or Adi Da Guru Purnima. A lot of energy and service went into organizing this celebration this year on Naitauba and in many regions in the US, Europe and elsewhere.

 

Being at His empowered sites during this celebration was more than wonderful. Each sacred site was a gift of His Presence, tangibly felt and exquisitely attractive. Receiving His Darshan at each site allowed me to more deeply resort to Him and to naturally want to spend a lot of time in the sacred halls meditating, chanting, or studying His wisdom teaching. It was an ecstatic time!

 

The next few months and even the rest of my stay on Naitauba were full tests, purification, constant learning and self-understanding. Living on this powerful Island isn't the same as doing a two or three week retreat - there is an added level of difficulty the longer you stay on the Island in the midst of the constant admonition to always stay happy and present.

 

The Island is Him and He requires you to stay grounded and conscious moment to moment. The opportunity to live a life that is sacred and one-pointed in Him is the happiest life I could ever imagine. However, it isn't the easiest life either - it has its challenges and it is constantly testing you.

 

One of the ways I was tested occured in 2016 when Fiji was hit with Cyclone Winston. I remember the afternoon we were preparing for it but didn't imagine it would be what it turned out to be - the fiercest storm ever recorded in the Southern Hemisphere. Shutters were placed in bures and things were organized in order to secure the Island as best as possible for a cyclone. I helped manage the safekeeping of one the houses in the village as well as the retreat area were I was staying at the time. My duties took me into the night before I was ready to go to the very strong, concrete Temple for shelter.

 

After sleeping for a while inside the Temple we started to feel and hear the storm. The eye of the storm passed directly over Naitauba and I remember feeling scared and out of my body. At one point I saw my partner Bruce helping to keep the main door from flying out and I still recall how awful and emotional it was for me to see him almost let go of the door as he was working to secure it.

 

After it was safe for us to go outside, it was devastating to see the severe damage to the Island. Many thousands of trees were blown over. Dozens of residences and structures suffered major damage or were completely destroyed. In some parts of the Island, the extreme cyclone winds were the main cause of the destruction. In other parts, there were huge storm swells, and ocean water made its way into Temples and Holy Sites as well as other buildings.

 

For the rest of the days, weeks, months and even until now, major restoration and reconstruction has taken place. I saw large numbers of people arriving on Naitauba to help and in the midst of it all, I felt completely helpless and lost. I managed to serve a lot and help in any way I was able to but kept feeling the sadness and fragility of the Island - as well as its power and strength to regrow itself into the beautiful Island It Is.

 

The test I feel for me was that of my inability to stay strong and see pass the fear that it brought to my being. I felt the separateness and the loneliness of the aftermath of the cyclone in me and failed to stay with what I knew to be the case - the Oneness of it all.  My immediate response and peculiar tendency was to run away to try to come to terms with what had happened since the cyclone hit. I was on Naitauba for five more months before I left for practical reasons - but at a more profound level, to consider where I was at with everything, and more importantly to fully receive the gifts of having spent those three precious years on the most beautiful and sublime Island of Naitauba.

 

Having received more fully the gifts of this retreat over the last year, I again returned to Naitauba for a one month retreat in 2017. This has completely refreshed my relationship with my Heart Master and look to return again as soon as possible.